2/27/2014 Update #1

It’s a quarter to one in the morning and my head is killing me. I’m sore all over, as if I have the flu. I can’t sleep. Not a bit tired, anyway. I’m starving, but I’m not. I could eat, but I don’t need to eat. To those of you out there that love the taste of food as much as I do, you’ll understand. 

This feeling is not unlike the DTs I went through with nicotine and alcohol. Shoot, even when I came off the 80mg Oxycontin I’d been taking for the six months leading up to my last back surgery, those withdrawals went smoother than this. That’s a real shame. To be this addicted to something my body requires, and to be addicted to the wrong types of it. I want cake and chocolate and biscuits and gravy and AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! This is why I was 410 pounds. This is why I’m currently 360 pounds. I want to eat for the sheer joy of eating. I want to stuff my face until my stomach feels like it’s going to burst. You want to hear something crazy? I’ve actually eaten so much food in one sitting that I was worried my stomach would rupture. I waddled over to my laptop and Googled whether or not it was possible and found out that I would actually throw up before I would explode. 

It’s too easy being addicted to food. People bring it up and everyone comes to the rescue. “Don’t belittle him! Fat people need love, too!” I almost wish I were addicted to something like crack or meth just so people would give it to me straight. “Listen, crackhead, you’re killing yourself. Stop.” I’m not condoning bullying, I’m simply saying that being fat is a societal norm now, and it shouldn’t be. There are too many crutches and not enough broken bones.

Rant over. If you made it this far, I commend you. I don’t know if I could listen to another human being whine this badly.

not amused


This is my not amused face.





4 thoughts on “2/27/2014 Update #1

  1. I’m so sorry Edward. I hate to think of you suffering like this. I honestly think withdrawing from all food is unhealthy. Yes, food is an addiction and is available to us so easily to us in the western world. I would like to recommend the the Slimming World eating plan to you.
    It is extremely popular and effective in the UK and after some research I’ve discovered it is available online in the US.
    On this plan you are NEVER hungry. ALL healthy food is *free* on this plan. Meat, pasta, rice and fruit, plus low fat yogurts can be eaten in excess even and the weight will still come off.
    I have first hand experience of this too. For now I have posted a link to a blog which gives an insight to the plan and contains links to the online site. Check it out and at least have a read. If you decide to try this way of eating, I will be here to advise, encourage, explain or simply be ranted at when ever you need it.
    If you want more details or a bit of advice to get you started I will email you all I know about the plan. At the club I attended one woman lost 10 Stone and another lost 8 stone. I lost 21lbs in preparation for the surgery I’m having in April.
    Any hoo, at least have a look at it, I know it’s a very personal thing losing weight, a bit like giving up smoking etc. you have to be in the zone and really want it and nothing anyone else says makes much of a difference.
    However I do think all options are worth looking at.
    Good luck Edward and keep us informed.
    Here is the link: http://www.slimmingeats.com/blog/slimming-world-usa-review#.Uw8Hgfl_uYg

  2. Hang in there whiner … errr … E! LOL Seriously…I have to admit that i’m impressed with the effort alone. Too many of us just sit around and bitch that we’re getting fat and do nothing about it. I am one of “those.” Wishing you the best in your journey!

  3. Edward, once you get to the point where you want to increase activity (if that’s a goal), you might consider buying or building a writing desk for a tread mill or stationary bike. Thriller author Russell Blake, as well as many other writers I’ve chatted with, have done the same and have good things to report. I’m putting together something similar myself.

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